Jack and his friend Chanan

Today Jack’s friend Chanan spent the better part of the day amusing each other at my house. Chanan is a delightful little man born about a month before Jack. In many ways it was easier having them here together than apart.  They entertained each other so well and seemed to really enjoy each other’s company.  In addition to crawling (Jack) or walking (Chanan) around batting each other with toys, helping me empty the dishwasher, banging pots and pans, liberally exchanging food during lunch, and reading books galore, they also enjoyed playing peek a boo with each other.  Here’s a video proving just that.

One Year Checkup

Along with the festivities of turning one, it also includes the obligatory doctor’s visit.  Jack had his last week and was pronounced in excellent health.

Stats:

Weight: 19 Lb. 13 oz.  (10th Percentile)

Height: 28 1/4 “  (also 10th Percentile)

Notice a trend?  Here’s where things get funny

Head Circumfrence: (90th Percentile!)

Shots: 1 for MMR (we decided to do  the rest of them later)

Finger Pricks: 2 (for lead and iron, Haven’t gotten results back)

When we went in the Phlebotomy room for drawing blood Jack started crying immediately.  And that was so much worse that the teeny shot he got later.  They have to squeeze the blood out of his little finger– he was so sad– and looking at me with unbelieving eyes “I can’t believe you letting them do  this to me, Mommy” Note his crayon bandaid from the shot.

Jack One Year

After seeing his crayon bandaid, I was inspired and decided to break out the crayons that his friend Silas gave him for his birthday.  It seems like the only thing he wants to do is EAT them.  We aren’t quite ready for crayons yet.

Jack Gnawing on Crayons

Dead Man’s House

I think I wrote about Erwin’s death in May, but a few doors down from us Erwin lived until April. When he died. Except no one missed him until May. When the flies came around. And then in June the house went into foreclosure and the bank had all his possessions put on the front lawn. Where they have sat, and moldered, and collected flies and maggots, and who knows what else. I have called:the Bank, City Hall, the realtor (the house is for sale. We went in it today. It is in good condition except for the dark dank spot upstairs where his body lay) All to no avail. If we lived in a different neighborhood, the city would definitely have taken care of it. I don’t know what do next. Any ideas?

Trash on Lawn

Prayer

Tuesday night, we went to prayers at Richmond Hill. Here is the “rule” of Richmond Hill–

Conversion of Life “Conversatio”: Living one’s life as if it were a conversation with God, in a commitment to personal spiritual disciplines.

Obedience: Living one’s life in response to God’s will, in a commitment to the mission of the community.

Community: Living one’s life as life together, in a commitment to shared mission and a common life.

Simplicity: Living one’s life without excess, in a commitment to a modest use of resources that resists greed and consumerism.

Humility: Living one’s life in perspective, in a commitment to assess and honor one’s own gifts and those of others.

Hospitality: Living one’s life in service of others, in a commitment to welcome guests in love and a spirit of prayer.

Prayer: Practicing a spiritual discipline that includes daily prayer for metropolitan Richmond in concert with the Richmond Hill Community.

Racial reconciliation: Examining oneself, paying attention to the particular wounds of race in metropolitan Richmond, and to the setting right of racial wrongs.

Healing: Committing one’s own life to inner healing and to the healing of the larger community of metropolitan Richmond

Ecumenism: Honoring all expressions of Christian faith, respecting in Jesus’ name all persons of other religions and faiths

Christian social transformation: Praying and working for the coming of the Kingdom of God in metropolitan Richmond.

Stability “Stabilitas”: Pledging to pray and work for the permanent transformation of the metropolitan city

For us, it has been a place of healing. We had gone to prayers there several times, but it wasn’t until we had our miscarriage in January of 2006 that I appreciated its gifts in a new way. The day we found out about the miscarriage, I needed to leave our house and so we called Richmond Hill and asked. We had a 24 hour retreat in separate rooms– formerly nuns’ rooms–and they arranged for us both to have time with Dawn Colapietro, who normally works with Noah’s Children, a pediatric hospice and grief counseling center. She provided both empathy and hope as well as a focus on the healing that Jesus brings. We have gone there again for retreats and prayers and always left refreshed and healed. Tuesday was no exception. We arrived for prayer at six with Jack. It always so wonderful to come with him, because almost everyone there know that Jack is our little miracle baby and that while all babies are special, we are especially grateful for the gift that he is to us. Karen was leading the prayers and she has such a gentle but firm way of guiding the time into something sacred and beautiful. She ended with this prayer that nourishes my soul and reminds me to rest at the close of the day.

Night Prayer

Lord,

it is night.

The night is for stillness.

Let us be still of the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.

What has been done, has been done;

What has not been done, has not been done;

let it be.

The night is dark.

Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you.

The night is quiet.

Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,

all dear to us,

and all who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.

Let us look expectantly to a new day,

new joys,

new possibilites.

In your name we pray

Amen

-New Zealand Prayer Book, p 184

Potty Time

When I was pregnant with Jack I did alot of reading about parenting, cloth diapering, nursing, birth, parenting, schedules, etc. I read about Elimination Communication (EC) where you provide opportunities for your baby to “go” in places other than the diaper. I tried doing it at about six months and had limited success. He  would pee sometimes when I offered by putting him over the sink or potty and making a shhh shh sound and then other times he wouldn’t.  The people doing it talk like babies signal when they need to pee and I could never figure out his signals.  I also bought a potty which he hated.  He screamed every time he got near it.  Then I checked out an early potty training book at the library and also re-read The Baby Whisperer because we were feeling the need to do something about his frequent wake ups. Both of those books recommended putting the baby on the potty when they first wake up, after meals and any feedings.  I also bought a new potty which he LOVES. I think he didn’t feel safe on the old one because it was so high. With the new Baby Bjorn potty his legs rest on the ground and he is in more of a proper position, if you know what I mean.    When I first got the potty, I just put it in the living room along with his regular toys so he would be used to it. I just let him play with it.  And then I started putting him on it, in the living room and reading him books, bringing him toys, etc.   He hasn’t yet just peed, but that is okay. It has been great because now almost every time I put him on it–at the prescribed times, he has a BM and pees. I go crazy when he does–clapping and praising him and then we put it in the toilet and flush it.  He seems to love watching the toilet flush.  I have been surprised at how smoothly this has gone. I am also trying to sign the word for potty when he goes and hopefully eventually he will start to sign it too.  Here is a pic of my little man on his throne looking very proud of himself!

Jack on the potty

Here is a link to a NY Times article about diaper free babies.

Birthday Party Report

We used Jack’s Birthday as an excuse to have a party. A grown up party. So we invited our friends, some of whom happened to have kids, had a grown up menu, and watched Jack eat a morsel of cake. Considering that Jack doesn’t love huge adoring crowds of people, he did pretty well. I made the delicious Lamb Burgers from a previous post and added hot and spicy baked beans, lemon and herb potato salad, and a peach and arugula salad, and heirloom tomatoes all from Epicurious (a great site for finding recipes– I love all the reviews– they are so helpful. Here are some pictures of the party. And here is a video of the “Happy Birthday” moment, when he burst into tears. Everyone, including Jack, mostly had a good time, and the food was yummy. I decided to buy cupcakes from Ukrop’s instead of a cake because there was less mess and it is easier to feed a crowd cupcakes– no need for forks, plates, etc.

Jack's Birthday Balloons

Happy Birthday, Little Man

One year ago today, John Ralston Illian was still kicking madly inside my belly. I was on my way to a non-stress test, and almost 42 weeks along. I was, in the words of my midwife, “an emotionally labile very pregnant woman.” Prone to crying, fits of emotion, and feeling overwhelmed. My dreams of an unmedicated natural labor where i arrive at the hospital having done the bulk of my laboring at home and birth the baby in a matter of minutes were quickly disappearing. Even the midwives were whispering the I (induction) word. Not coming out and saying it, mind you, but hinting that it might be needed if we reach 42 weeks. Little did i know that in less that 24 hours i would be holding my newborn son. I was doing everything I could to encourage this baby to come on his own– evening primrose oil, castor oil (DO NOT recommend, it will only give you –well, let’s just say it will make you have cramps and labor and birth something different), accupucture and massage to all those points you aren’t supposed to do while you are pregnant– to bring on labor (didn’t work), spicy food, sprints up and down long flights of stairs (well, maybe not sprints– fast walks), writing letters to the baby, inviting him/her to come in the manner he/she wanted, all to no avail. After my non-stress test showed low amniotic fluid, there wasn’t really any choice. The baby was coming today, like it or not. You can read Jack’s birth story here . Even though his birth happened differently than I anticipated, it was amazing and special and worth every bit of pain. The past year of snuggles and kisses and mamalove has been such a gift. Almost every day I stop and say a prayer for the gift Jack is to us. Even through the sleep challenged days and nights I have learned to love another person in a way i didn’t know was possible. I don’t love him more than my husband, it is just– different. The things I have done and are willing to do for him are more and different that I would do for anyone else. I feel I have been given a glimpse of God’s deep and unconditional and amazing love for us– his children– all people on the earth. I love watching everything he does– even if it is mundane and silly– and I believe that God takes the same joy in watching us create meaning out of our lives. He still longs for us to love him and enjoy him– in the same way that I love Jack’s smiles and sticky hugs– but even when they don’t come, I still love him. Thank you Jack– for teaching me to love.

hospital jack

Sleep Update

Thank you for all of your encouraging thoughts.  We have been out of town for a few days visiting family and Jack actually did very well– no crying– except for going to sleep of course!

• Jack does have a fan in his room.  That we use every night. When we go places I try to turn on something.  Haven’t noticed it helping.
• I have considered, in moments of desperation, hiring THE  Baby Whisperer or some other professional sleep coach to help us. Despite (I’m Sure) the extreme cost.

All that being said–

• He really is sleeping better– crying for shorter periods of time, settling more quickly
• Since I stopped feeding him at night he gets up less frequently (like once every few days instead of every two or three hours like before)
• He does sleep until 5:30 or 6:00 most days
• I found out from my mother in law that my husband was a terrible sleeper, refused a lovey, and generally hated sleep (he is now a better sleeper than me) –now I have someone to blame
• So– there is HOPE– eventually when he’s 31 or something
• In meantime- I continue to get more gray hairs and wrinkles under my eyes but I suppose that has something to do with the badge of motherhood.

Sleep (or the lack thereof)

Jack and Sleep. Hmm. They don’t go together as well as say PB & J or butter and popcorn. More like bug spray and mosquitoes, one repels the other. I have tried. Many things. Including reading Dr. Sear Sleep book, Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution, Dr. Weisbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, Dr. Ferber’s book, in addition Twelve Hours sleep by Twelve Weeks, also The Baby Whisperer. And tried each technique in succession. Without success. As a result of being an expert on sleep philosophies, we do have a routine before sleep– read a book, darken shades, sing a song, put in crib. Scream and scream and scream. With me in the room patting him. Until he falls asleep an hour later. Sometimes he falls asleep faster. Sometimes it takes over an hour. We have a nap/bed schedule that we generally ascribe to– without being dictatorial– Naps at nine and one. Bed around 7:30. We have always had a routine of sorts. We have tried Cry it out– I couldn’t let him go for longer than say– thirty minutes. But that resulted in him screaming for thirty minutes or an hour every time we went to bed. So we tried patting, Pick up Put down, Baby Whisperer style. Which worked– for about a week and then most recently he has started screaming again– with me patting him in the room. Sleep is a precious commodity. I feel like a mean drill sargeant, demanding sleep when my baby is pleading, tantruming– “no sleep!” But I know he needs it! He also won’t/can’t/hates to sleep in new places– which is hard. With him, there is no “magic bullet.” We have tried giving him a lovey, which he wont’ take, throws it away. Swaddling used to work. Until about four months when it didn’t. Nursing also used to work. Now it sometimes works, but usually he nurses greedily with his eyes closed, finishes, eyes pop open and he swivels to the floor to play.

Any advice– besides

they will eventually sleep (I know that! I want help now)

let him CIO (cry it out) (Tried it, can’t emotionally let him go past thirty minutes) after a month of it not making any difference besides him getting hysterical anytime we got near a crib I gave it up