Yes, I do

Feed my child peanut butter while in the car. At the stoplight. Straight from the jar.  He looked like peanut butter vampire with two rivers of  ‘P-Oh’ (as he says)  running down his chin.

What about you? What embarrassing things have you done lately.  I’m sure I’m not the only one.

What I’m supposed to learn.

I went on a personal retreat this weekend at Richmond Hill.  It was a Pre-Lenten Retreat. Although I’m not really sure what that means.  Isn’t Lent supposed to be a sortof Pre-Easter time of reflection of our humanity and fallenness? I guess it was a pre-pre Easter retreat.  In any case, the time of rest and reflextion was much needed. I left the retreat feeling like I had some unfinished business, like there was something else I was supposed to learn or do or know. And then I realized– Maybe that’s what I was supposed to know– that I am always unfinished, that in this life I’ll always feel like I haven’t yet arrived.

Update on Fertility Doc.  Went in for an ultrasound today. And I DO have “PCOS-Like” ovaries.  That means I have little cysts all over my ovaries.  I don’t completely understand how it works, but Here is a link that explains it all and that has some nice ultrasounds of polycystic ovaries so you know what they look like.

Wed. is the insulin test. And I started Femara.  That’s all for now

Grace

For a variety of reason, this has been a difficult week for me.  While I can’t control my situation and emotional responses to it, I have been so grateful for the unexpected Graces that God has given this week.

The Unexpected Graces of a Difficult Week.

1. A rather last minute visit from my dearest sister Faith.  She is such a warm, sweet, kind, and nurturing soul.

2.  For friends far and near that randomly called or emailed me this week– thanks for the encouragement of friendship!

3.  The fact that I planned a retreat at Richmond Hill this weekend.  I didn’t even know I was going to need it.

4.  For long walks in the neighborhood.

5.  For the smiles of a certain blond haired cherub.

6.  This is a weird one, but I’m grateful my cycle started today. (after taking the provera for 10 days– I stopped on Wednesday and it usually takes a while for me to start– last time it was a very long two weeks, but this time it was the next day)

(update on #6– we have an ultrasound scheduled Monday afternoon to look at my ovaries and then we’ll start the meds)

7. For my eminantly loving Husband Matt.

CU–TE

Jack has been increasingly adorable of late.  He folds his hand and says “Pay”  (pray) before each meal as a reminder to pray. He says “tank you” and “welcome” whenever he wants something or hands something to me.  Paper Receipt? “Tank You”  Grape Stems? “Tank You”  He also asks for his grandmother “Honey” several times a day, asking to “ky” (Skype her).   On Sunday he spent several minutes getting a headband on my head and proclaimed “CU—TE.”   I guess he’s heard people declare him cute and wanted to let me know he also thought Mama was cute. Truth is, I’ve been really loving this new verbal stage and trying to soak up every syllable.  Water– “Wa-Ey.”  Car– “Ca-Ey”  Any truck like vehicle “Du Tuk” (dump truck). Peanut butter has become “Pee Oh.” He literally eats spoonfuls of “Pee Oh”  whenever he spies the jar.   I asked the doctor if its possible to eat too much peanut butter and he assured me that it wasn’t.  We shall see….

I stumbled across this post today and thought I’d share her spot on thoughts with you. She is the author of Momma Zen, a parenting book that I haven’t read but its on my short list.

5 Ways to Make Childhood Last

1. Wake up. Let your children wake you up. Better yet, let them drag you out of bed. How much of your life – how much of their lives – do you spend in this ceaseless struggle to get more sleep? Give up already. I promise you, one day too soon the house will grow empty. Then sleep will once more evade. Seize the day! Seize the night! This divine mission to bring us into full awareness of our lives is the reason your child has come. So crack a lid and get this party started. If you could just once see the exhilarating potential they wake to every day, you’d know why children don’t want to waste a minute to slumber.

2. Break the rules. Brownies for breakfast. Painting your hair. Jumping on the beds. Staying up late and missing school. Adventure! Daring! Build your house on rules, but then have the good sense to barrel right through them from time to time. Breaking rules brings your home to life. It brings you to life!

3. Get on the floor. For one hour a day, get down on the floor and surrender to play. Not play on your terms – where you choose the game, control the action, and make corrections – play on their terms. Set a kitchen timer to keep track. Your children need one hour of undistracted attention from you each day. The trouble is, we spend 16 hours avoiding it.

4. Hold hands. Kisses grow scarce. Cuddles are outgrown. Your scrumptious love bugs will soon be parceling out the affection in piddling doses. How then to keep close? Hold hands at every chance. It’s the last, best way to stay in touch. It’s practical, it’s intimate, it’s precious, and it’s the ageless sign of peaceful coexistence. And when your child finally lets go of your fingertips, you’ll know one thing for sure. All this time you thought you were guiding them forward, they were really leading you here. To the point of letting go.

5. Say it a million times over. I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re funny. Good idea! I like it. That’s perfect. Yes! You make me smile. I missed you. Good choice! I had fun with you today. I believe you. I’m glad to see you. Let’s play. Blow me a kiss. Sit on my lap. Let me tell you a story.

Posted by Karen Maezen Miller at 7:35 AM

Yoga, Toddler Style

In addition to acupuncture and meeting with the fertility doctor, I have been attempting to regularly practice yoga, specifically doing a Yoga for Fertility DVD by Brenda Strong. I discovered yoga after our miscarraige.  My sister and I went to a class in January of ‘06 a week after my D and C. And I discovered that practicing yoga helped to clear my mind and center me. It helped me to think about something else besides the failed pregnancy. I began going weekly, then bi-weekly.  I tried different kinds of yoga and discovered that I loved Vinyasa best because it provides challenge and repetition.  I like the flow and rhythym that happens from doing it for an hour and a half or so.

Then I started doing the fertility DVD and then we got pregnant with Jack. I also loved prenatal yoga, usually going twice a week as well.  And after he was born I had great intentions of going to “Mommy and Me” Yoga but somehow just didn’t squeeze it in.

And now we are hoping for another and I’m really trying to practice yoga at least a few times a week.  If anything to help with stress reduction.  Usually I do the DVD during his naps, but today I decided to try it this morning, with Jack awake.  While it wasn’t the usual quiet contemplative practice I have grown to love, it was full of giggles and very joyful, just what I need right now.  Jack laughed everytime I got into a new pose, and seemed to feel the invitation to climb over or under my pose.  Downward Dog became a playfort, Bridge pose became a jungle gym (he literally climbed onto my chest and sat up there!)  If you don’t know these poses, Here is Down Dog. Picture Jack sitting in front of my legs right next to my head.

Downward Dog

Then here is bridge pose.   He climbed onto my chest and sat there, howling with laughter.

Bridge Pose

While it wasn’t quite the workout I’m used to, it was fun and relaxing. He also attempted a few of the poses which was adorable. I love that I’m doing Yoga for Fertility and here is the product of that fertility running around and jumping on me.  It made for a very sweet moment for me personally and Jack had a ball on his personal jungle gym.    I think morning yoga is going to become a routine in our house.

The Joys of Public Transport

Today I took our local public transportation system, the GRTC to the doctor’s office and was pleasantly surprised.  I did a trip planner online and the suggested one route that required a transfer, but after talking with some neighbors, I decided to take another bus a few blocks away that didnd’t require a transfer.  It took less time than driving and parking the car and finding a parking space and was so much less hassle. Jack had a ball sitting on the bus– no struggling to get him into a car seat and I enjoyed not having the to think about driving.  The bus  let us off 2 blocks from the office.  It couldn’t have been easier.

Stats on Jack

Height: 30 1/2″

Weight: 22 lbs. 12 oz.

The Doctor was also concerned about some chronic buildup of fluid in his left ear.  We’ll be checking that out again at two and hoping it resolves itself.

Results of Blood tests

Everything came back within normal range.

Except Testosterone.

Which was slightly elevated.

I was mildly surprised about that..

I don’t have any of the normal signs of that– ie male pattern baldness, hairy extremeties, etc.  But– who know? Maybe I’ll start to look like a Chia pet sometime soon.

We started the Provera  today and I’ll go back for an ultrasound in probably about two weeks after my cycle has started.

Thanks for your support

The Perils of owning zero cars

The Illian household is now car-less.  Our lone surviving car– the 2001 Mercury Sable– that paragon of luxury has now expired.  Matt was driving it to the repair shop this morning and it broke down on the way there.  Diagnosis–broken transmission.  Given that the cost of fixing it is well over 1K, we decided that we are now in the market for a new-ish car.

Any suggestions?  We want something that can seat 5-7 people and that gets pretty good gas mileage.  Of course I would like leather seats, etc.  But I don’t think that’s “in the budget” right now.

His Royal Cuteness

White Oak Canyon Hike

We Hiked White Oak Canyon yesterday with Jack and some children from the neighborhood.  I was worried that they wouldn’t be in great shape and would lag behind but it turns out that I was the one who held everyone up!  It was a pretty strenuous 6 mile hike, but I couldn’ve done it a few years ago with no problem.  It’s time for me to focus on getting in better shape! I can barely walk today!  My hamstrings are very sore.  And I wasn’t even carrying Jack.

Jack learned several new words today including rock– and snow– He loved throwing rocks and getting dirty in the mud.  He had a ball being outside all day.  He also loved climbing on the rocks and looking at the frozen waterfalls.