When I started this blog I imagined that many/most of the posts would be about Jack. However, I have found myself writing more about recipes, events in the neighborhood, and random life lessons about bananas. I don’t know if that’s because subconsciously this has been a nice break from my little man. It is time to scribble some reflections about Jackums.
Jack is now approaching a year–he was eleven months yesterday. I was reading to him today and felt a wave of sadness. Sad that my little squirmy bundle from last year is turning into a little boy–who crawls to the edge of the stairs, pulls down the silverware from the dishwasher, babbles at six in the morning, and has charmed his way into my heart. I just teared up because I am enjoying him so much– I love kissing his downy head and receiving his sticky hugs and kisses, his smiles at his papa. I love reading to him and having him turn pages, watching him explore the kitchen. I have LOVED staying home this past week after school let out. I don’t know if I will be able to go back in the fall.
It has been such an amazing year. This time last year, Jack was still kicking around madly in my belly, and I was thinking “any day now.” Not knowing that it would be a full month until Jack made his grand appearance. I was thinking about how this year has changed me. How this little bundle of energy with his tow headed curls and giggles has given me joy, exhaustion, love. With Jack I have been both more patient and more tired than I knew was humanly possible. It is with bittersweet resignation and celebration that I approach Jack’s first birthday. As Jack relishes food– cherries are his current favorite–and crawls around with increasing speed, I feel the first pangs of sadness at his growing independence. What began at birth as he left the confines of my body and entered the world now continues as he becomes who he was meant to be. Jack– Mama loves you and looks forward with expectation and hope to see who her little baby will become.